My Real Mother
Another Mother's Day come and nearly gone. Fields of flowers picked, packed, and presented. Servers at every kind of dining establishment run off their feet. Mountains of chocolates hurriedly purchased at drug store and gas station. I like to think there is an incredible amount of love in the actions undertaken today. I fear, though, that there are far too many who found today a chore, a tiresome burden, or an obligation that consumes a perfectly good Sunday. To anyone who was resentful of having to spend time or thought on your mother today, I'd say I envy you.
My mother, Ruth, died about seven-and-a-half years ago and I only wish there were more days, Mother's Days and others, that I could spend with her. Of course I remember arguments and unhappy days, but as an adult I came to realize just how fortunate I was to have her for a mother. I wonder what kind of person I'd be without her. Had things gone differently, I might have found out, for I was adopted by my parents.
I was an unwanted child and my mother took me in and raised me as her own for the rest of her life. I harbour no resentment for the woman who gave birth to me. I think it was an act of great kindness to allow my mother the chance to raise a child with love and care. If ever I were to meet her, I'd thank her for allowing me the life I had by giving me up.
Speaking to my father today, he told me how, when my parents first got me, my mother was afraid to hold me, afraid she'd drop me or hurt me. How incredible to take in a child from a stranger, when you have no idea what you're about to do, and raise it as your own flesh and blood.
She soon learned to hold me and never stopped holding me in her heart. No matter how far I wandered, I knew she was always thinking of me. Sometimes her thoughtfulness would be expressed in the most inexplicable ways: buying me shirts in colours I detested; shipping parcels of canned goods across the country to make sure I was eating (never mind it would have been cheaper to just send a cheque); sending blankets to me in a tropical country. I realize now that it was simply her taking care of me. It makes me smile.
Sometimes, when I discuss my adoption with people, they will ask me if I know who my "real parents" are. My answer is always the same: "My real parents raised me." They changed my diapers, cleaned up vomit, took me to the doctor, taught me how to ride a bike, worked to make a home and a life for me that, while not extravagant, never left me feeling wanting or unwanted.
Certainly there are mothers who qualify for the title merely because they carried a child to term. Mothers who are cold, uncaring, or abusive to their children. Such parents are terrible and their children are under no obligation to feel affection for them. I consider myself very lucky to have had a mother who truly wanted me and always loved me fully. Whatever good there is in the man I've become, it is because of her. Anyone who can say that about his or her mother should spend more than one Sunday a year to let her know how much she means.
Showing posts with label self-indulgent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-indulgent. Show all posts
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Waring: Somewhat graphic content follows the "Read More" link.
Office
Romance
Barbara
enjoyed the solitude as she typed at her computer. Having the office to
herself, after everyone else went home was the best of both worlds: it made her
feel professional but without the demands of maintaining a professional façade
with her colleagues. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them. She liked them all
well enough. It’s just that she felt something of an imposter. She’d recently
rejoined the workforce after taking a few years off to start a family. Now,
with her two children in school, she was trying to learn how to relate to
adults again.
The rituals
of the working world take time and are as intricate as those of the Freemasons,
though likely less codified and with fewer funny hats. Except on Funny Hat Day.
Barbara didn’t quite understand Funny Hat Day. She liked doing her hair,
putting on a flattering dress, chosen for style rather than how easily puke
stains would come out of it, and a pair of shoes in which she could never
negotiate a Lego-strewn family room. “Why would you want to deliberately mess
that up,” she thought? Especially when the day’s work remained unchanged? The
hats were just there, peripheral. Three minutes of chuckles and seven hours and
fifty seven minutes of hat head.
Fortunately,
it wasn’t Funny Hat Day. It was just a regular work day. Barbara liked those.
Not that she didn’t enjoy the office’s collegial vibe, but what she really
loved was that she was taken seriously, as a capable woman. She wasn’t
somebody’s mom, she was somebody.
Barbara
saved the draft she was working on and closed the document. She glanced at the
picture of her family on her desk as she thought about the e-mail she was about
it write. As she sat there, she heard a noise. She’d been hearing noises for
about an hour, since the last of her colleagues went home. She had been
dismissing them as the building settling, wind, or machinery. It wouldn’t do to
let her imagination get the better of her. There was something different about
this noise, though. It sounded like the outer door to the stairwell closing
with its characteristic clang. There shouldn’t be anybody coming in that door.
All the staff entered through the main door, using their electronic pass cards
and either took the main stairs or the elevator to the third floor office. The
fire stairs were only used as a shortcut to the parking lot when people were
leaving at the end of the day.
Barbara sat
a moment thinking about what she should do. She thought she could hear
footsteps in the stairwell. Her mind raced to scenes of women in heels being
chased by killers in countless movies and TV shows. They always tripped or
twisted an ankle, their vanity being their undoing. Feeling silly, Barbara
reached down and began to unbuckle the straps on her shoes. She’d loved them
when she bought them, but the three-inch heels weren’t made for speed.
She heard
the fire door open. That was odd. The door was supposed to be locked, only able
to be opened from the inside, just like the one at the base of the stairs. She
was reaching for her purse, and the phone it contained, when she heard a voice.
“Helloooo Barbara,” it sang out. Just as the greeting ended, Tom came into view
at the end of the row of cubicles in which Barbara sat.
“Tom, you
scared me,” Barbara said, feeling herself relax. “I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
“Sorry,
Barb. I didn’t mean to.”
“My heart is
beating a mile a minute.”
“Didn’t mean
to, but it’s only fair, since you always have that effect on me,” said Tom as
he stopped at Barbara’s cubicle and leaned against the partial wall. She could
see the small smile on his face and the subtly raised eyebrow.
Barbara
laughed a little and blushed a little. Tom had been flirting with her since a
month after she arrived at the office. One of the first conversations they had
was him asking her out. This was despite the wedding ring she wore and that, at
34, she was about eight years older than him. She had laughed and blushed that
time too. She had to admit to being flattered. Tom, while not overly tall, was
a good six inches taller than her and fairly solid, if not muscular. His dark
brown hair always looked as if he had just rolled out of bed and run a brush
through it once or twice before heading into the office.
“I saw your
car in the parking lot and I thought I’d come up and see how you were doing,”
he said, crossing his arms.
“Oh, um,
fine, really,” replied Barbara, averting her eyes from his gaze.
“In no hurry
to get home, huh?” As he said this, Tom moved closer to her and picked up the
picture of her family. It had been taken when she and Gary had gone camping
with the children. Barbara loved Maria’s smile in that photo. Jake had refused
to smile, trying to mimic his father’s look of mock anger at the request to
pose for yet another photo. Tom studied it briefly, sitting on the edge of her
desk while he did so. Then he placed it on the desk, face down.
“I just
wanted to get a few things finished before I head back home. There’s so much to
do there, what with making dinner and getting the kids to bed and making sure
everything is set for the morning.” Barbara stopped, surprised by how much she
had just told Tom. She tended to be on the quiet side when she was in the
office. She found herself particularly flustered by Tom, ever since the day
he’d casually asked her if she wanted to catch a movie after work. Now here she
was just blurting out everything!
“C’mon! It’s
got to be nice to get away from the white picket fence and cooking and cleaning
and the old Saturday night usual,” he said with a wink. “I wonder how a
beautiful woman can live with those constraints.”
He didn’t
know the half of it, she thought. Before she’d married, Barbara had lived a
life that would probably surprise Tom. In her early twenties, she had been a
fixture at the clubs and there wasn’t much she hadn’t tried. Thirteen years of
marriage had transformed the lithe, redheaded hellion of her youth into a
respectable housewife. She was grateful for that, really. Had she kept at it,
she probably would have pushed things too far and paid the price. She nearly
had. And Tom was certainly wrong about the “Saturday night usual.” Her husband
didn’t approach her for sex anywhere near that frequently. Two or three times a
year was more like it, and then it tended to be perfunctorily vanilla. Could he
see that in her? Could Tom tell how hungry she was to be taken up, wrapped in
flesh and sweat?
“Oh, no,
married life is great. I really like it. It suits me. I love the kids and my
husband is great. I admit I like coming to the office for the three days a
week, though. It’s good to get to act like an adult for a change.”
“I imagine
it is. Want to act like adults right now?” Tom lowered his chin and raised his
eyebrows as he locked his brown eyes with her green ones.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
A Small, Inconsequential Work of Fiction
“I
know what you did last summer.”
“I know, Ted. I’m the one
that sent you the postcard, remember?”
“I’m not talking about the
trip you took to Vancouver. I’m talking about you and Jenny.”
“Jenny?”
“Don’t play dumb, Dave. I
guess you thought I’d never find out about it, but I know you had your way with
her while I was at the manager training course at Hamburger University.”
“I just went over there to
look in on her and make sure everything was fine. You asked me to keep an eye
on things while you were gone. I don’t know what you’re talking about, ‘Had your
way with her.’ What is that supposed to mean?”
“You took her out, got her
all warmed up and just kept pumping her–“
“What are you–“
“I found your student ID under the seat, Dave. Now the plugs are
fouled and I’m going to have to tune her up.”
“All right, I took your car
out for a drive while you were gone. I didn’t think it was a big deal”
“Not a big deal? This is a
numbers-matching 1969 Camaro Z28. She’s a finely-tuned work of
art. I can’t believe you’d betray my trust like that.”
“I had sex with your
girlfriend while you were away too.”
“Don’t try to change the
subject.”
“In the Camaro.”
“You son of a bitch!”
This was just a small exercise, starting with the given line, "I know what you did last summer," and working from there. The aim was to tell the story entirely through dialogue and in less than 250 words. I came across it buried in a forgotten corner of my hard drive and got a smile from it.
Used under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)
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